I remember once my mum telling me that I am pretty good when it comes to stress, if I am in a stressful situation I change stuff. She also forgets that I am taurean, and I tend to stick to things for way longer than I should. I also think she forgot about the time I stayed in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic for 5 years. Looking back I think she was referring to the shitty jobs I’ve had.
2014 was a wild ride, we travelled internationally 3 times, we got engaged and married, we spent a lot of money, we worked hard to make it happen. I suffered my first ever migraine late last year, which turned in two week headache-hangover that no pain killers could cure. With doctors freaking me out giving me referrals to neurologists that had a 6 month wait list, a second opinion lead me to the cause – STRESS. Which was weird, because at the time I didn’t feel stressed. Now I do.
For this ‘not easily stressed person’, 2014 well and truly broke me. Now I am just a big ball of stress. Perhaps the bridezilla in me still hasn’t left the building. So with with my broken self, I made a conscious decision that my word for the year would be ‘CALM’ (closely followed by ‘surrender’).
As I coasted into 2015, determined to get my weekends back, it didn’t take long for those old habits to resurface. Straight away, a client demand had me working 18 hours straight.
I’ve done these hours before, but this was different. This had a massive physical impact on me. Not only did it wipe me out with a work-hangover for 2 days, I am also now unable to sit at my desk without a burning pain in my neck and shoulder. I am constantly tired no matter how much sleep I get. I just feel blah.
You know it’s bad when your business partner tells you, “you look extremely stressed”, at least I can trust her honestly. I am glad it didn’t come from my husband, he’s a smart man, obviously, instead he brings me flowers under the cloak of ‘just because’.
I certainly know that things have got to change. Because you know what comes after marriage, and that ain’t happening for us yet. So lets rule out the stress part first before we start looking at adopting more animals, or become the crazy aunt and uncle that have nice stuff and travel the world doing amazing things…oh wait…that sounds alright.
I’d actually like to capture my stressed look, just for nostalgic purposes. One for the grand kids right, or the fur-babies in case that doesn’t happen.
I am working with the beautiful Tash from Healthy You, Happy Me to get me back on track, and she is amazing. I want to keep her forever. She has this beautiful energy that I reckon if you could bottle and sell you’d be a bazillionaire. She keeps telling me I CAN CONTROL THIS, but when you’re stuck on the inside, it’s really hard to see the way out, so off we go on baby steps. So this week I have identified what is working what is not and I am going to make some key steps to changing things up.
I mentioned last year about ditching bad habits, well that didn’t happen. So here I am starting over. Baby steps this time.
Just right after I get through this deadline….